Filed Under: Shameless Plugs

*Updated below*

What does a penniless, yet cleverly resourceful woman do when she wants to attend the 2nd annual BlogHer’s convention in San Jose California, but can’t afford the awesome new outfit and strappy little sandals she’d need to attend, let alone the airfare and hotel accommodations?

Well I’ll tell you.
She pleads and grovels to her favorite comedian Ellen Degeneres and host of
the Ellen Degeneres Show that’s what! Stay with me!

We already know I have no shame, and like my Father always used to tell me “You never know until you try” right?

So I whined, and begged, and supplicated myself to the producers of her show, explaining what a wonderful opportunity this would be for them to sponsor women every where, and how Ellen would be doing a service to the sisterhood of talented writers across the nation (thus increasing television ratings, which would in turn generate more profitable income for her) You see? Win-Win!

....and then I got naked and chained myself to a flagpole refusing to leave until they agreed to sponsor BlogHer, or at least fly ME first class to San Jose (whichever was more likely to bring in good ratings of course).

Ok, I didn’t really whine.

But I did send an email informing Ellen, if she actually reads those things, of the BlogHer’s convention and how “wouldn’t it be a hoot if I could attend”? Some of my favorite bloggers are speaking and I should probably be there to...uh... applaud and give them my undivided attention don’t you know.

BlogHer’s mission is to:
Create opportunities for women bloggers to pursue exposure, education and community, and is comprised of around 1000 utterly fascinating, informational, educational and humorous blogs.

I can only hope that she reads her fan mail and takes pity on naked women strapped to flagpoles in shameless demonstration.

Won’t you please encourage Ellen to help me out by commenting on this post? Even if you just delurk to sign your name.

It’s getting chilly out here, and I don't want to resort to that whole stalking thing.


Ellen's Photo taken from NNDB.

*update*
I've been out here on this flagpole for a few days now, and guess what? No word from the producers of the Ellen show!
I knooow!
You'd think what with me naked on this flag pole and all...that they'd be on top of things, calling my agent, and booking me on the show?

wait...ok, I don't have an agent.

But, but, but if I did his phone should be ringing off the hook by this time! I appreciate you all stopping by to toss my favorite guacamoli doritos at me, and help me plead with Ellen, but i'm thinking we're going to need to step it up a notch. Maybe if all us bloggers write the show at http://ellen.warnerbros.com/funstuff/talk/, we can catch their attention. BlogHer needs the sponsorship...for bloggers everywhere!
oh...and could someone bring me a blanket? It's getting chilly out here!

Mermaids

I've got a mile high pile of laundry to do today, so blogging will be minimal at best. Instead of writing today, i'm going to share a few of my favorite mermaid pictures which I will do occasionally when time (or my imagination) is limited.

While your at it, run over to Sharon's and check out the mermaid she just did!

It's Valentine's Day Folks..."Happy" being the operative word here!

One of my girlfriends opened a new boutique about three months ago. It was a huge undertaking and a lot of hard work resulting in a beautiful gift shop, art gallery and florist. Business had been steady, as the locals popped in to see the wonderful things creatively displayed around the store, and to pick up a treasure or two.

Of course with today being Valentine’s Day they were swamped so my friend asked if I would be able to help out with the floral deliveries. I’m always happy to assist a friend, so I agreed.

From morning until evening, the shop was a-buzz with Valentine business. The phones rang off the walls, as bewildered looking men made their way through the store ordering flowers and looking for the perfect gifts. My job was to play delivery woman, in which case I spent the day going back and forth between the store and the homes of many unsuspecting women who were pleasantly surprised to be the recipients of assorted bouquets. Each time a woman would come to the door she would squeal in delight, or blush with embarrassment. Either way, their reactions tickled me.

I must have delivered to 40 different addresses stopping only for an hour to drop of 180 chocolate chip cookies at the 5th grade Valentine party and to check on the outcome of a certain little girl’s answer to my son’s request to be his valentine. He nervously stayed up last night making her the perfect card with carefully placed butterfly stickers, and admiring the peach colored flip-flop charm that was to be her gift.

It was a busy day and I got to share in a little bit of a lot of people’s happiness, and that was a pleasure.

Until her.

She was my very last stop of the evening and while my heart was still smiling from a full day of pleasant deliveries, it was about to be crushed by a customer’s whose chest cavity was filled with vinegar and thumbtacks.

I rang the door expecting to be greeted with someone’s surprised wife only to be verbally accosted by an ungrateful, unappreciative, hateful bitch who complained that she was getting flowers at 6:00 pm, which was UNACCEPTABLE!
She spent what seemed to be an eternity yelling at me about the flowers, the time it was, and the basket they were in without so much as barely glancing at them. She told me she didn’t want them now, with the same fury of a three year old not getting her way! My friend’s florist was unacceptable, the product was unacceptable, the delivery was unacceptable, my fuchsia cashmere sweater with my grey WOOL PANTS WERE TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE…
(Ok she didn’t say that, but she might have well had because by this point I was starting to take her whole assault very personal and that uncomfortable twinge that happens in my stomach right before I start to cry was creeping up)! She called my friend and told her off, then told me off some more. I just stood there like a dope, all the while thinking to myself what poor man had to come home to her every night.

What’s wrong with people?

Doesn’t she know that somewhere a little boy’s heart is breaking because after mustering up all of his courage to profess his fondness for his Valentine, she said no? …. Doesn’t she know that her husband took the time to especially order those three particular flowers just for her.., one for each of their daughters names….Rose, Lilly, and Iris?,…and that my friend had to special order the lilies because they weren’t in season?

Somewhere someone would have loved to get a Valentine. But nope.
Not her.
It was 6:00.
There was nothing waiting for her at the door when she arrived home from work 30 minutes ago and THAT…
was simply UNACCEPTABLE.

Wow. What a hateful woman.

I want to go back to my little grass shack in Kealakekua, Hawaii.

I visited many beautiful places on my trip to Hawaii, but my most favorite things I did always involved the hula shows.

Hawaiian’s have inherited a rich tradition of hula (dances) and mele oli (chants), full of stories of gods and goddesses, ceremonies, prayers, protocol, imagery, wisdom, and intelligence. The tradition is passed on to each generation and teaches how to respect family, appreciate natural phenomena, love the land, understand hierarchy, recognize life and death cycles, and acknowledge and honor the presence of life.


I was fascinated by the rich history of the hula, the stories they told, as well as the beauty and grace of the performers. The dance steps that you see are not only stunning to watch, but represent different movements in nature.

Of course while I was there, I just had to pick up a couple of DVD’s on the hula. I bought a variety to help me remember the wonderful shows, colors, and music we experienced in order to relive them at later moments of recollection. (It had nothing to do with the fact that there were waaay too many to choose from, and I couldn’t make up my mind so I had to buy several).

(Ahem).

I bought:
How to Hula…because learning is a good thing and I always want to learn.
The hula workout…because uh...I hate to jog.
And the Polynesian Cultural Center’s show…because it was very entertaining.

I wish you could see the Hula workout video! Holy cow! If following along with Kiki’s workout three times a week will make my figure look like her’s…,well then I’d better get started right now!

I turned it on because I was in the mood for some exercise, but I got so mesmerized just watching the steps that the next thing I knew I was sitting on the couch gnawing on a pork chop and watching the T.V. like it was a good movie.

The flowers were incredible in Hawaii too, and before long I was decorated from head to toe with the most fragrant orchids and plumeria leis. I can still smell them in my mind, and in the body lotion I brought home with me from the hotel.

It was a wonderful trip, and I can’t wait to hear all about Kim’s adventures when she returns. She’s scheduled to hook up with D. and B’tude one day while she’s there too so that should be fun.
Ahhh…I want to go back.

a little something...

Sharon did a MeMe on her blog this morning, and as I am totally in awe of her talent, and don’t possess the inkling to produce anything original today, I’ve decided to shamelessly follow suit and do the MeMe myself. I would also like to note that something has gone wrong with the formatting of my posts. The previews never look like the published version, with all spacing non existant, causing the whole entry to look like one giant run on sentence. If anyone knows what the problem is, i'd appreciate the tip too! *note: Seems i've found the problem and it's working now!

Now for that Meme.
Here goes:

Four jobs I was really, really bad at:
I don’t recall being bad at any of my jobs! I can remember working with minimal enthusiasm over selling lamps one summer in a department store, but I wasn’t bad at it. In fact, If any poor soul accidentially wandered into the lamp department I'm pretty sure I kept them fairly entertained if nothing else.

Four movies I could watch over and over:
Honestly, I do well to stay focused long enough to watch one movie all the way through once. If I watch a movie more than once, I’m sure to catch something I didn’t see the first go round. A few movies I did enjoy were:
1. The Napoleon mini series
2. SWAT
3. Enemy of the State

Some celebrities I worshiped when I was little.
The name of my favorite show when I was a kid alludes me at the moment. It starred Leif Garret, the singing teen idol, and I had a huge crush on him. I believe he looks something like this now and is once again in drug rehab. I will say that my fascination with celebrities is very small to say the least, because the ones I have met were either obnoxious or disappointing. They are people just like us… only richer. On the other end of the spectrum, I discovered while googling these images of Leif, that there are apparently people who actually scrapbook photographs and articles of their favorite celebrity which is waaaay creepy in my opinion.

Names I wanted instead of Suzanne
The name Suzanne is just fine for me, although I didn’t go by Suzanne until my first year in college. Up till that point I was “Suzi” and a handful of old friends may refer to me by that name from time to time out of habit. I’m not fond of Suzi, so I wouldn’t recommend addressing me in that fashion these days unless we have a long history.
I am especially irritated by those substituting the name Sue, or Susan for my actual name Suzanne.

Injuries I have suffered:
The worst was a concussion and would explain a lot of things about me I’m afraid. I lived at the roller skating rink in my youth, and once while rounding the corner of the dimly lit skating surface, tripped on another child causing me to hit my head on the floor and again on the wall. I remember sitting down on the carpet covered benches, and seeing what appeared to be water filing up in my eyes. Shortly thereafter I had no vision at all, and was mentioning something about my wing being broken. I believe this is when my mother decided it was time to take me to the emergency room, and if memory serves me correct my vision didn’t return for a full day or so. Other than that….I’ve been pretty lucky having no broken bones or other major accidents knock on wood.
Four childhood memories and/or dreams.
1. Eating laundry soap
2. Having my teeth fall out
3. Having my teeth crumble out
4. Having my teeth wiggle loose and me spitting them out.
I’m seeing a pattern here.

Four celebrities I have bothered:
None. The whole celebrity stalker thing kind of creeps me out. I might pick up a magazine at the beauty salon and glimpse at the goings on of the moment, but I have no desire to chase, bother, scrapbook, or otherwise obsess over any celebrity. In fact when I have seen them in the past, I specifically act as if I don’t know them.
In my flight attendant days, I saw many and personally was never that impressed.
Here’s the rundown that I can think of at the moment which I either served, walked next to, spoke with or had to sneak past hoards of fans. Lionel Richie, Michael J. Fox, his wife and kid, Kenny Loggins, (he was very tall) Regis and Joy Philbin, Martin Sheen, George Carlin, Richard Lewis, Jerry Springer, professional wrestlers, and a couple more actors that I can’t remember their names at the moment.

That’s it for today folks.