Airlines lose bags, Suzanne goes missing, news to follow:

Suzanne is missing:
Due to over-calculations by both household accounting service as well as third party family organizations, production of Christmas presents exceeded our expectations by over 400% . Efforts are now underway to dig through the piles of empty boxes and discarded rapping paper to find Suzanne. Volunteers are asked to refrain from showing up until her next of Kin are notified. Earlier today, the cat found a small purple earring, which was worn by either Suzanne, or someone who also likes purple things . This concerns the recovery effort as we are no longer sure how many people may be buried under the Christmas mess.

Faint sounds can be heard coming from the living room near the tree. Suzanne was last seen near the tree so efforts to find her are concentrated there. It was reported earlier that she might be in the guest bathroom under the disposed cardboard boxes when a faint “help me” could be heard. Digging efforts turned up a small battery powered doll emitting a childlike “feed me”. The doll was several feet shorter than the description we have of Suzanne, and so the search cintinues.

Others in the house remember seeing Suzanne when the presents were being opened, but in the furry of opening what turned out to be far more presents than this house was rated for, she was lost in the aftermath. Christmas marshals have cited the household for massing almost double the presents than the safety recommendations list for one tree.

The children, who are still playing with toys, surface for occasional bowls of cereal, and promise to aid in the search when they loose interest in the new toys next week. News at Eleven.