I Left My Heart in Hartsfield Airport.

When I got divorced some 5 years ago, it was a struggle as any divorce is.
We argued about the same things most couples do when the split inevitably happens.
Money, stuff, money, stuff, more money, and of course…money.

Then there was custody of Little Man.

We lived in Belgium.
I wanted out of the cold and rain which meant I was moving back to the United States come Hell or high water….With Little Man.
For some fathers this would mean the unthinkable. Living thousands of miles away from your child with minimal visitation.

For this father in particular, all it took was some quick negotiations on my part,
and I was on an airplane heading West with my son. Free at last.

As most negotiations involve money, and money is what moved my X- husband to tears on more than one occasion, it was no surprise to me that the child support he would forgo paying if I moved to another country would be my winning negotiation card.
I was right. I got full custody of our son, he doesn’t pay a dime in child support.

Fine by me, I just wanted out.

We did agree that he would have 7 weeks Summer visitation rights, so once a year I have to drive my son to the Atlanta Airport and put him on a plane destined for Belgium. This is difficult to say the least. Heart wrenching, gut stabbing, throat clenching horrible horrible horrible is more accurate!

This year was especially hard due to the fact that his Tourette’s symptoms have progressed and his OCD fears are in full maximum gear. “What if the plane crashes? What if a bad guy is on the plane and shoots us? What if the pilot dies? What if I get sick? What if we get hijacked? What if you die while I’m gone? What if someone breaks in while I’m gone? What if you get in a car crash on the way back to Savannah? What if…what if…what if…”

It’s draining to answer his questions, but necessary to reassure his obsessive fearful emotions.

He clung to me until he had to board the plane.
He cried when they had to peel him off of me.
I cried when I was out of his view.

It was a long 4 hour drive home, and my house is not the same without my little man.

I keep thinking I hear him call me from the back room, or while I was in the store today.
I looked...
but it wasn’t him. –sigh-